What Is Your Parenting Blueprint?

Breaking (and Keeping) the Patterns You Grew Up With

Most of us don’t realize how deep our early experiences run until we become parents ourselves. Suddenly, the question isn’t just what should I do with my baby?—it quickly becomes

who am I becoming as a parent?

Here’s something I talk about often with clients: We all carry a blueprint.

The way we were parented—whether safe or scary, consistent or chaotic—created an “emotional normal” that lives in our bodies and our instincts. That blueprint shapes how we respond to stress, how we offer comfort, how we think love should be shown. It’s the default we fall back on when we’re tired, overwhelmed, or unsure. Which, if you’re a new parent, is… often.

If you don’t look at the blueprint, you’re likely to repeat it.

And that’s not always a bad thing—if you had a nurturing, emotionally safe upbringing, many of those patterns are worth repeating! But even in the healthiest families, most of us reach adulthood with at least a few observations: I wish I’d been hugged more. I hated how we never talked about feelings. I loved how we always had dinner together. I never knew what to expect.

Pregnancy and early parenting are a unique window to pause and ask:

• What did I receive that I want to give again?

• What did I miss that I want to offer to my child?

• What felt normal, but maybe wasn’t healthy?

This isn’t about blaming your parents. It’s about becoming conscious about those patterns.

Take a moment to reflect.

Did you like how your parents showed affection?

Did you feel safe expressing your needs?

Was routine comforting to you—or did the lack of it create anxiety?

Were emotions handled with care, or pushed aside?

The more awareness you bring to your own early experiences, the more power you have to make intentional choices about how you parent.

The truth is, whatever you model will become your child’s “normal.”

That might feel intimidating—but it’s also incredibly hopeful. Because it means you can be the one who breaks a cycle. Or continues a legacy. Or builds something entirely new.

And you don’t have to do it all at once. Even small shifts—pausing before snapping, offering repair after a mistake, naming your feelings out loud—can plant new seeds. I’ll say it again: EVEN SMALL SHIFTS CAN PLANT NEW SEEDS! 👏👏

You’re not parenting from scratch.

You’re parenting from a story.

The beauty is: you get to revise it.